The Parker Institute for Time Travel Studies (The PITTS), renowned throughout time and space as the penultimate college dedicated to finding those who are not lost or even confused or misplaced, is seeking a monster for an upcoming experiment in a basement laboratory. The ideal candidate will be required to participate in a variety of scientific investigations including, but not limited to, the following:
- Mind Transfer
- Transmogrification into a Rat, Sewer
- Transmogrification into a Bat, Vampire
- Mopping Floors
- Time Travel to 17th Century Transylvania
- Getting Coffee for Mad Scientists
- ESPN (for score reports, football season only)
- Temporary Duty (TDY) to the Roswell Army Air Field, New Mexico, 1947
- Crop Circle Creation
- TDY to certain regions between Bermuda and Florida
Experience in medicine is a plus, especially familiarity with snake oil, leeches, eyes of newt, garlic, crucifixes, ice baths, opium, extortium, and powdered unicorn horns.
The term monster used in this advertisement may apply to any horrific carnivorous being, including extraterrestrials, mythological creatures, dinosaurs, giant insects, vermin, lycanthropes, golems, oozes, dire wolves, cockroaches and other aberrations of nature.
Salary remitted in stock options.
The PITTS is an equal opportunity employer.
Copyright © 2013