Hold that Blog!

Friends,

I haven’t posted since 2016, when Jack Parker and I were scrambling to get our novel Madness Rising out the door (it didn’t fit) and to the publisher (who didn’t make us rich).

Since then, my writing has been a thrown in front of an oncoming, high-speed freight train. In essence, my blog is now the Wile E. Coyote of the writing and blogging world.

So… I am toying with ideas of where to take this platform next.  Like that clever coyote, though, I will be back, but the focus may shift, away from fiction and <gasp> into a more serious area.  Or not… who the hell really knows what a writer will do, huh?

As always, buy low-sell-high, kiss passionately, laugh often, meditate frequently, do unto others, have a little wine if you’re able, call your mama if you are able, and always remember that you can skydive without a parachute… you just can’t do it twice.

Take care,

Keith

Tentacle

A few weeks ago many of us fell in love as the story broke of a free-spirited little New Zealand octopus named Inky, who made his way out his aquarium, ambled across the floor of the research lab, and snaked into a small drain pipe that led to his ancestral home in the Pacific Ocean. Many of us, smitten by a cephalopod of such serious purpose, wonder about his whereabouts, his healthcare, his forwarding address.

Less than a week ago I was talking to an overbearing acquaintance about my latest novel, and mentioned that the book’s primary antagonist is a savage nightmare with tentacles like those of octopi. The acquaintance, concerned by my lack of fundamental biology and spelling, jabbed a finger in midair.

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” he said. “An octopus has arms, not tentacles. And the plural of octopus is octopuses, not octopi.”

He huffed, stomping off.

I puckered my lips, pondered this. Since he was probably correct, I decided that, like a good protagonist, I had to take action. Since Jack Parker and I are the gods of our mythical world of Newtonia, I have decided to create octopi in its oceans. And you know what our octopi possess? Tentacles.

That’s the beauty of being a guy who tells lies for entertainment: I can do whatever the hell I want. Just like Inky.

Peace,

Keith

Wanna read more about Newtonia? Read MADNESS RISING, available for Kindle.

Copyright (c) 2016 Keith Parker

Pickle

I hate pickles. Loathe them. Pickles suck. Pickles are worse than chili served in high school cafeterias, worse than liver and onions, worse than the cabbages sold in Soviet-era grocery stores.

I love cheeseburgers. Cheeseburgers are divine. When God sits on His Throne in Heaven, He eats cheeseburgers. On Earth, not as it is in Heaven, cheeseburgers come with pickles. The people who defile cheeseburgers are Philistines. They should be shackled outside the city gates, spat upon and ridiculed.

On average, I order two cheeseburgers per week. With the notable exception of Five Guys and Fries, who have adopted a civilized business model allowing you to tailor your own burger, I am forced to caveat every cheeseburger order.

“Ma’am, could you hold the pickles on that burger, please? Thanks so much.”

Note that I could say, “Hold the pickles,” but I’m from the South. In the South things  take longer than they should. Like Free Bird.

Since I’ve been old enough to order my own cheeseburgers the pickle caveat has stolen 24,960 seconds from my life. That’s almost seven hours, wasted because some asshole in ancient times drowned a cucumber in brine, fermented it, and later slipped that unspeakable horror between his crusty lips.

Not a single character in my novels eat pickles. When you read MADNESS RISING, you will see that not a single character is burdened by the yoke that is the pornography of the pickle.

Peace,

Keith

 

 

The Madness, It’s Rising!

Wanna read a science fiction novel about a girl whose life is being ruined by a monster she hates and the people she loves?

Exclusively for Kindle, MADNESS RISING, is a Young Adult/New Adult Science Fiction tale that’s been described as part-Lovecraft, part-Firefly.
Buy it now, keep it forever!

IMG_7137
MADNESS RISING

 

<– Click there.

Thanks oh so much!

Keith

Can she kill the monster?

IMG_7137Can she kill the monster before her friends and family kill her?

On a colony world where robots raise their human children Nina Dreifuss faces a deadly medical condition, a drunken fiancé, a sadistic mentor, and a wave of violence from her friends and family. When she discovers that a vicious creature is behind it all, hellbent on destroying the entire colony, Nina must fight the monster she hates and the people she loves.

On May 26, 2016, Jack Parker and I launched, for Kindle, Madness Rising, a science fiction novel described as part-Lovecraft, part-Firefly.

Madness Rising, Chapters 1-19

On a creepy alien planet, Nina Dreifuss discovers that her boyfriend is a drunk; her childhood mentor is hearing voices; her body is turning against her; and her parents are being body-snatched by a monster they just woke up.

Madness Rising is a character-driven young-adult science fiction/horror novel with androids, alcoholics, teasers and tentacles. It will be available from KDP soon. It would also make a great movie.

Madness Rising, Chapter 1

Madness Rising, Chapter 2

Madness Rising, Chapter 3

Madness Rising, Chapter 4

Madness Rising, Chapter 5

Madness Rising, Chapter 6

Madness Rising, Chapter 7

Madness Rising, Chapter 8

Madness Rising, Chapter 9

Madness Rising, Chapter 10

Madness Rising, Chapter 11

Madness Rising, Chapter 12

Madness Rising, Chapter 13

Madness Rising, Chapter 14

Madness Rising, Chapter 15

Madness Rising, Chapter 16

Madness Rising, Chapter 17

Madness Rising, Chapter 18

Madness Rising, Chapter 19

Thanks for reading,

Keith Parker

Legal stuff:

This blog is © 2016 Alan Keith Parker. All rights reserved.

Each chapter that I link to above is copyright © 2016 by Alan Keith Parker and Jack Edward Parker. All rights reserved.

Madness Rising, Chapters 1 thru 16

Nina’s fiance is a drunk; her childhood mentor is hearing voices; her own body is turning against her; and her parents are being body-snatched by a monster they just woke up.

Madness Rising is a character-driven young-adult science fiction/horror novel with androids, alcoholics, teasers and tentacles.

Madness Rising, Chapter 1

Madness Rising, Chapter 2

Madness Rising, Chapter 3

Madness Rising, Chapter 4

Madness Rising, Chapter 5

Madness Rising, Chapter 6

Madness Rising, Chapter 7

Madness Rising, Chapter 8

Madness Rising, Chapter 9

Madness Rising, Chapter 10

Madness Rising, Chapter 11

Madness Rising, Chapter 12

Madness Rising, Chapter 13

Madness Rising, Chapter 14

Madness Rising, Chapter 15

Madness Rising, Chapter 16

This novel would make a great movie! Thanks for reading!

Keith Parker

This blog is © 2015 Alan Keith Parker. All rights reserved.

The contents of the chapters linked above are the intellectual property of Alan Keith Parker and the Reverend Jack Edward Parker, © 2015 by the aforementioned authors. All rights reserved.